Where did you get a picture of my penis
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
