ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
