I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
