the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
