Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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