I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
