we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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