I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
