that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
