Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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