I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
