That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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