Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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