we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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