margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize