Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
