I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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