I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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