I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
