not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
