she smelled like a LAN party
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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