You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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