you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
