Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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