Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
