some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
