Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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