matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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