As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
