he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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