walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
