Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
