you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
