He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
