pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You may now shotgun with the bride
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
