Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize