dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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