please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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