You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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