Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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