Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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