i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
