I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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