he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
