Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
