I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
