I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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