yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
