we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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