Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
