Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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