I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
