when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
