So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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