a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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