Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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