there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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