So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
