He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
