a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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