Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I forget how to act sober
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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