How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
