If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
