dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
