Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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